It's been a while since I blogged. (Been working too hard). Thought this might be worth posting. I have been traveling to Philadelphia regularly for the last few months. I have been tagged by TSA for secondary screening the last three trips. So today, I asked the screener if there was anything that was triggering their scans (as I had been tagged the past two times, as well).
I tend to travel in a suede mid-calf skirt and boots, as it is comfortable, and allows me to have boots in Philly without having to pack them. Seems the skirt sets me apart for screening since they cannot determine what might be beneath it.
A supervisor assured me that this was not the only criteria, and that the screenings are random. I assured him I was only trying to speed up their process, and mine, by not having characteristics that mean I get singled out every week.
Needless to say, next week we are going for form fitting Blue Jeans, and no skirt. This is all pretty silly, as I am not really sure my suede skirt is a terrorist threat. But I am very happy, that a polite question on my part, has given me insight to what they are tagging in this specific airport..
Joy.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Dinner with Good Friends, Good Food, and Good Wine
A group of friends has traditionally met in February to celebrate "Open an Old Bottle Night" along with the Wall Street Journal. This year, schedules are not shaping up to do that (we're looking at late April or May - busy people), but my best friend and I still thought it was about time to do a dinner party.
So Saturday night, February 14, we had 8 folks for dinner. After checking the sale paper for our local Kroger, we served Grilled Beef Tenderloin, green beans, mashed potatoes, and rolls. We had shrimp, cheese, and Greek caviar salad on bread for appetizers. Followed up with dried fruit, nuts, and chocolate for dessert.
We started with Champagne (Domain Chandon Blanc de Noir) with the shrimp and cavier. We started experimenting with red wines with the beef tenderloin.
Marietta Cellars Old Vine Red Lot 46
Tobin James Chateau du Cacheflo
The Marietta won hands down.
Ravenswood Zen of Zins
We decided we liked their Vitner's blend better.
Then the wines Pam brought came out. We tried a 1990 Quivera Zinfandel and a 1990 Silver Oak Cabernet. The comparison here came down to a grape preference. My mother in law and my husband preferred the Zin, and I and our other guests preferred the cabernet.
After explaining the varietal differences to my mother in law, my husband went and got a bottle of his Marietta Zinfandel and opened it for comparison. These bottles are on the "no one opens but him" list.
We decided that good food, good friends, and great wines make for a great evening.
The tenderloins we coated in a damp rub, then grilled.
Black Peppercorns
Black Sea Salt
Chopped Garlic
Put everything in a mortar and pestle and grind to a rough paste. Coat the tenderloin and let sit for about 40 minutes before grilling. Sear on the grill, then cook about 15 minutes a side.
Not bad for "Sale Meat".
So Saturday night, February 14, we had 8 folks for dinner. After checking the sale paper for our local Kroger, we served Grilled Beef Tenderloin, green beans, mashed potatoes, and rolls. We had shrimp, cheese, and Greek caviar salad on bread for appetizers. Followed up with dried fruit, nuts, and chocolate for dessert.
We started with Champagne (Domain Chandon Blanc de Noir) with the shrimp and cavier. We started experimenting with red wines with the beef tenderloin.
Marietta Cellars Old Vine Red Lot 46
Tobin James Chateau du Cacheflo
The Marietta won hands down.
Ravenswood Zen of Zins
We decided we liked their Vitner's blend better.
Then the wines Pam brought came out. We tried a 1990 Quivera Zinfandel and a 1990 Silver Oak Cabernet. The comparison here came down to a grape preference. My mother in law and my husband preferred the Zin, and I and our other guests preferred the cabernet.
After explaining the varietal differences to my mother in law, my husband went and got a bottle of his Marietta Zinfandel and opened it for comparison. These bottles are on the "no one opens but him" list.
We decided that good food, good friends, and great wines make for a great evening.
The tenderloins we coated in a damp rub, then grilled.
Black Peppercorns
Black Sea Salt
Chopped Garlic
Put everything in a mortar and pestle and grind to a rough paste. Coat the tenderloin and let sit for about 40 minutes before grilling. Sear on the grill, then cook about 15 minutes a side.
Not bad for "Sale Meat".
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Actions have Consequences
I have been thinking about this post for at least a week. I am told I am good at what I do to make money for our family, and that it is a mostly male-dominated field. So I should be grateful and proud to be good in a male-dominated field. So why don't I?
I am good at what I do, but not because I am a woman. I am good at what I do because I have tried to identify my God-given talents and use them to the glory of God, and the benefit of my family.
Women's Lib, and the new Lilly Ledbetter Bill, have told women for years that they are the equal of men, and that things should be equal. And they IMPLY that all choices women make are equally valid, and that all choices have no long term consequence.
I FIRMLY believe that persons who do equal work should be ELIGIBLE for equal pay. But if your co-worker (Male or Female) is a better negotiator - that is your problem.
Women have more choices today than our mothers ever did. But those choices have consequences. I made a choice to divorce my first husband, and that had consequences I will not elaborate here. As we had no children, no one else was affected. I also CHOSE to marry a divorced man after that that had a child, which has had long lasting consequences in my day to day life, my emotional relationships, and my long-term happiness.
The fallacy that women's choices have not consequences is actually pretty funny. Women are having careers, and are damn good at those jobs. But there is a consequence to delaying a family and child-bearing. Pregnancies after 35 are harder than pregnancies at 20, and after 40 they are considered "high-risk". The entire industry of IVF is marketed to women (with or without partners) who waited until "later" to make their babies. Many of these women might not have conceived at a younger age, but many would have.
I made a choice to marry a man with a child. We are not able to have additional children, again for reasons I will not elaborate. I feel blessed to be one of his daughter's parents, and would not change a thing about my choices. But it has changed my options. I cannot easily re-locate, and that may limit my long-term growth potential with my company. BUT THIS IS A CHOICE I MAKE WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN !
The marvelous thing about women having choices is that we can do anything we want. I am trying to insure that my step-daughter has every opportunity available to her in High School so she can make her best choices at graduation. But we cannot always do everything we want. I recall a commercial from years ago, " I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you are a man". For those who believe we can do that, week in, week out, I would like some of their pharmaceuticals, because they might make my day go a little better.
We can do many things, but I think women in this country especially, are believing the fallacy they must be all things to all people. We are wives and mothers, and that is a full time job. Then we work outside the home, in another full time job. Many are also school and church volunteers, and community activists.
At the end of the day, we must balance ourselves to be the best persons we can be to all the persons who depend on us. But we must always remember, that all our choices have consequences, and we must measure the causes and effects of all the choices we make.
I am good at what I do, but not because I am a woman. I am good at what I do because I have tried to identify my God-given talents and use them to the glory of God, and the benefit of my family.
Women's Lib, and the new Lilly Ledbetter Bill, have told women for years that they are the equal of men, and that things should be equal. And they IMPLY that all choices women make are equally valid, and that all choices have no long term consequence.
I FIRMLY believe that persons who do equal work should be ELIGIBLE for equal pay. But if your co-worker (Male or Female) is a better negotiator - that is your problem.
Women have more choices today than our mothers ever did. But those choices have consequences. I made a choice to divorce my first husband, and that had consequences I will not elaborate here. As we had no children, no one else was affected. I also CHOSE to marry a divorced man after that that had a child, which has had long lasting consequences in my day to day life, my emotional relationships, and my long-term happiness.
The fallacy that women's choices have not consequences is actually pretty funny. Women are having careers, and are damn good at those jobs. But there is a consequence to delaying a family and child-bearing. Pregnancies after 35 are harder than pregnancies at 20, and after 40 they are considered "high-risk". The entire industry of IVF is marketed to women (with or without partners) who waited until "later" to make their babies. Many of these women might not have conceived at a younger age, but many would have.
I made a choice to marry a man with a child. We are not able to have additional children, again for reasons I will not elaborate. I feel blessed to be one of his daughter's parents, and would not change a thing about my choices. But it has changed my options. I cannot easily re-locate, and that may limit my long-term growth potential with my company. BUT THIS IS A CHOICE I MAKE WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN !
The marvelous thing about women having choices is that we can do anything we want. I am trying to insure that my step-daughter has every opportunity available to her in High School so she can make her best choices at graduation. But we cannot always do everything we want. I recall a commercial from years ago, " I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you are a man". For those who believe we can do that, week in, week out, I would like some of their pharmaceuticals, because they might make my day go a little better.
We can do many things, but I think women in this country especially, are believing the fallacy they must be all things to all people. We are wives and mothers, and that is a full time job. Then we work outside the home, in another full time job. Many are also school and church volunteers, and community activists.
At the end of the day, we must balance ourselves to be the best persons we can be to all the persons who depend on us. But we must always remember, that all our choices have consequences, and we must measure the causes and effects of all the choices we make.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
What to do?
Today the problems with the economy came home, with a text message from a friend about her lay-off. I had already gotten another call this week, about another acquaintance that had gotten laid off Friday.
My first re-action is "what do we do ?". I quickly pulled together a list of recruiters and job sites in our field, and made a couple of quick calls to see if my network knew anyone who was still hiring. I am DO type of person. The running joke in our neighborhood is that if anything happens, Donna makes a roast. The church lady and the Southern lady in me both want to provide food for any emergency. (and yes, I have emergency food all ready to be defrosted in the freezer).
The more spiritual among my friends will probably tell us to Pray, which we are doing, but I am an action oriented person, and want to DO something. I am reminded what my rector said when he was camp rector at a retreat some years ago, We are called to BE, not neccesarily to DO.
My friend that texted me liked the work, but was in a mostly toxic work environment. All we can pray for now is to see if we can find work for everyone, and hope that it will be better positions for all involved.
So the question I put to the blogsphere, do we DO, or do we PRAY, or do we do both? These are not mutually exclusive.
Thoughts anyone?
My first re-action is "what do we do ?". I quickly pulled together a list of recruiters and job sites in our field, and made a couple of quick calls to see if my network knew anyone who was still hiring. I am DO type of person. The running joke in our neighborhood is that if anything happens, Donna makes a roast. The church lady and the Southern lady in me both want to provide food for any emergency. (and yes, I have emergency food all ready to be defrosted in the freezer).
The more spiritual among my friends will probably tell us to Pray, which we are doing, but I am an action oriented person, and want to DO something. I am reminded what my rector said when he was camp rector at a retreat some years ago, We are called to BE, not neccesarily to DO.
My friend that texted me liked the work, but was in a mostly toxic work environment. All we can pray for now is to see if we can find work for everyone, and hope that it will be better positions for all involved.
So the question I put to the blogsphere, do we DO, or do we PRAY, or do we do both? These are not mutually exclusive.
Thoughts anyone?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Old article I wrote.
I wrote this years ago when DH and I were first dating. I found it while looking for some other things on my hard drive, but I think it is still true. Step-daughter is now 14.
____________________________________
There is a Yak in my pocket. From a Happy Meal. I am not entirely sure why. I am a thirty something, once divorced, childless career woman, with a college degree and several professional certifications to my credit. My staff is a little afraid of me, and I am reported to be very good at my job. So what am I doing with a four inch stuffed Yak in my pocket?
I am one of growing number of women who are under-represented in the media. I am not yet a "STEPMOM", or even the "OTHER MOTHER". I am the woman who is dating a divorced dad.
Demographics being what they are, the chances of a thirty something woman dating a contemporary man without children, are pretty slim. And one thing about any man worth being with: HIS KIDS COME FIRST.
This isn't a shot. This is important. If he's worth the effort to go out with, his kids had better come first. No matter what happened between him and the ex, the kids are the innocents in this game.
(Exceptions can be made for manipulative almost adults who are simply collecting the rest of Daddy's child support payments) I am talking about small children, whose biggest problem is that Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore.
You know you are dating a man with kids when you are at McDonald's every Wednesday night, helping take a soggy little girl who has up-ended a container of milk to the ladies room. Ladies, the correct response to this is not "oooo- this suit is from Brooks Brothers, I just had it dry cleaned" (I actually heard that from a girlfriend at McDonald's - the next week the guy and his kids were back, but she wasn't). Do your maternal best. Pick up the child, get her washed, and bring her back to the ever-adoring daddy.
This child is going to be around FOREVER. You are replaceable. She is not. But be warned; this is NOT your child. If all goes well, and Dad is your Prince Charming, and you get married, this child already has a mother. You are always going to be the "OTHER MOTHER" or "NOT MY REAL MOTHER" or the dreaded "STEPMOTHER". Getting possessive is a good way to lose both the child and her father. My boyfriend's daughter, then aged 2 1/2 , asked me if I was going to be her mother. I explained that I loved her, and I loved her daddy, but that she already had a mother who loved her very much. I could be HER Donna. Not too long after that, she explained to a cousin that I wasn't her Mommy, I was her Donna, and that I wasn't HIS Donna.
____________________________________
There is a Yak in my pocket. From a Happy Meal. I am not entirely sure why. I am a thirty something, once divorced, childless career woman, with a college degree and several professional certifications to my credit. My staff is a little afraid of me, and I am reported to be very good at my job. So what am I doing with a four inch stuffed Yak in my pocket?
I am one of growing number of women who are under-represented in the media. I am not yet a "STEPMOM", or even the "OTHER MOTHER". I am the woman who is dating a divorced dad.
Demographics being what they are, the chances of a thirty something woman dating a contemporary man without children, are pretty slim. And one thing about any man worth being with: HIS KIDS COME FIRST.
This isn't a shot. This is important. If he's worth the effort to go out with, his kids had better come first. No matter what happened between him and the ex, the kids are the innocents in this game.
(Exceptions can be made for manipulative almost adults who are simply collecting the rest of Daddy's child support payments) I am talking about small children, whose biggest problem is that Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore.
You know you are dating a man with kids when you are at McDonald's every Wednesday night, helping take a soggy little girl who has up-ended a container of milk to the ladies room. Ladies, the correct response to this is not "oooo- this suit is from Brooks Brothers, I just had it dry cleaned" (I actually heard that from a girlfriend at McDonald's - the next week the guy and his kids were back, but she wasn't). Do your maternal best. Pick up the child, get her washed, and bring her back to the ever-adoring daddy.
This child is going to be around FOREVER. You are replaceable. She is not. But be warned; this is NOT your child. If all goes well, and Dad is your Prince Charming, and you get married, this child already has a mother. You are always going to be the "OTHER MOTHER" or "NOT MY REAL MOTHER" or the dreaded "STEPMOTHER". Getting possessive is a good way to lose both the child and her father. My boyfriend's daughter, then aged 2 1/2 , asked me if I was going to be her mother. I explained that I loved her, and I loved her daddy, but that she already had a mother who loved her very much. I could be HER Donna. Not too long after that, she explained to a cousin that I wasn't her Mommy, I was her Donna, and that I wasn't HIS Donna.
First Post
Okay, I am going to try this. Not sure I really have anything anyone wants to read, but I follow so many people on the web, I thought I would give this a try. I am going to talk about step-parenting, religion, conservative values, and being an absolute minority in a very male-dominated occupation.
I am a wife, and a step-mother, and I am a colleague described "alpha-geek". I am a High Availability Subject Matter Expert in a field where most people who do what I do aren't women. I believe in equal pay for equal work, but believe that a man can still open the door for me and I will say thank you. I am not easily offended by "male" behavior, and have promised my co-workers they will never be reported to HR, if they ever really manage to offend me, I will solve the problem with a right cross.
I have all the options in the world open to me, and I realize that all my choices have consequences.
This blog may have anything and everything on it over the next few months.
So we will see. Constructive criticism requested !
Donna
I am a wife, and a step-mother, and I am a colleague described "alpha-geek". I am a High Availability Subject Matter Expert in a field where most people who do what I do aren't women. I believe in equal pay for equal work, but believe that a man can still open the door for me and I will say thank you. I am not easily offended by "male" behavior, and have promised my co-workers they will never be reported to HR, if they ever really manage to offend me, I will solve the problem with a right cross.
I have all the options in the world open to me, and I realize that all my choices have consequences.
This blog may have anything and everything on it over the next few months.
So we will see. Constructive criticism requested !
Donna
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