Actions have Consequences

I have been thinking about this post for at least a week. I am told I am good at what I do to make money for our family, and that it is a mostly male-dominated field. So I should be grateful and proud to be good in a male-dominated field. So why don't I?

I am good at what I do, but not because I am a woman. I am good at what I do because I have tried to identify my God-given talents and use them to the glory of God, and the benefit of my family.

Women's Lib, and the new Lilly Ledbetter Bill, have told women for years that they are the equal of men, and that things should be equal. And they IMPLY that all choices women make are equally valid, and that all choices have no long term consequence.

I FIRMLY believe that persons who do equal work should be ELIGIBLE for equal pay. But if your co-worker (Male or Female) is a better negotiator - that is your problem.

Women have more choices today than our mothers ever did. But those choices have consequences. I made a choice to divorce my first husband, and that had consequences I will not elaborate here. As we had no children, no one else was affected. I also CHOSE to marry a divorced man after that that had a child, which has had long lasting consequences in my day to day life, my emotional relationships, and my long-term happiness.

The fallacy that women's choices have not consequences is actually pretty funny. Women are having careers, and are damn good at those jobs. But there is a consequence to delaying a family and child-bearing. Pregnancies after 35 are harder than pregnancies at 20, and after 40 they are considered "high-risk". The entire industry of IVF is marketed to women (with or without partners) who waited until "later" to make their babies. Many of these women might not have conceived at a younger age, but many would have.

I made a choice to marry a man with a child. We are not able to have additional children, again for reasons I will not elaborate. I feel blessed to be one of his daughter's parents, and would not change a thing about my choices. But it has changed my options. I cannot easily re-locate, and that may limit my long-term growth potential with my company. BUT THIS IS A CHOICE I MAKE WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN !

The marvelous thing about women having choices is that we can do anything we want. I am trying to insure that my step-daughter has every opportunity available to her in High School so she can make her best choices at graduation. But we cannot always do everything we want. I recall a commercial from years ago, " I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you are a man". For those who believe we can do that, week in, week out, I would like some of their pharmaceuticals, because they might make my day go a little better.

We can do many things, but I think women in this country especially, are believing the fallacy they must be all things to all people. We are wives and mothers, and that is a full time job. Then we work outside the home, in another full time job. Many are also school and church volunteers, and community activists.

At the end of the day, we must balance ourselves to be the best persons we can be to all the persons who depend on us. But we must always remember, that all our choices have consequences, and we must measure the causes and effects of all the choices we make.