Old article I wrote.

I wrote this years ago when DH and I were first dating. I found it while looking for some other things on my hard drive, but I think it is still true. Step-daughter is now 14.
____________________________________
There is a Yak in my pocket. From a Happy Meal. I am not entirely sure why. I am a thirty something, once divorced, childless career woman, with a college degree and several professional certifications to my credit. My staff is a little afraid of me, and I am reported to be very good at my job. So what am I doing with a four inch stuffed Yak in my pocket?

I am one of growing number of women who are under-represented in the media. I am not yet a "STEPMOM", or even the "OTHER MOTHER". I am the woman who is dating a divorced dad.

Demographics being what they are, the chances of a thirty something woman dating a contemporary man without children, are pretty slim. And one thing about any man worth being with: HIS KIDS COME FIRST.

This isn't a shot. This is important. If he's worth the effort to go out with, his kids had better come first. No matter what happened between him and the ex, the kids are the innocents in this game.

(Exceptions can be made for manipulative almost adults who are simply collecting the rest of Daddy's child support payments) I am talking about small children, whose biggest problem is that Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore.

You know you are dating a man with kids when you are at McDonald's every Wednesday night, helping take a soggy little girl who has up-ended a container of milk to the ladies room. Ladies, the correct response to this is not "oooo- this suit is from Brooks Brothers, I just had it dry cleaned" (I actually heard that from a girlfriend at McDonald's - the next week the guy and his kids were back, but she wasn't). Do your maternal best. Pick up the child, get her washed, and bring her back to the ever-adoring daddy.

This child is going to be around FOREVER. You are replaceable. She is not. But be warned; this is NOT your child. If all goes well, and Dad is your Prince Charming, and you get married, this child already has a mother. You are always going to be the "OTHER MOTHER" or "NOT MY REAL MOTHER" or the dreaded "STEPMOTHER". Getting possessive is a good way to lose both the child and her father. My boyfriend's daughter, then aged 2 1/2 , asked me if I was going to be her mother. I explained that I loved her, and I loved her daddy, but that she already had a mother who loved her very much. I could be HER Donna. Not too long after that, she explained to a cousin that I wasn't her Mommy, I was her Donna, and that I wasn't HIS Donna.